some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
