you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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