I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize