atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
