mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
