I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
