i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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