Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
