Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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