May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
