you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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