Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
