I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
