we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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