I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
