i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
