I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
