an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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