if you like me you must not know who I am
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
