On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
