how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
