my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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