i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
