i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
