Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
