everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
