Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
