I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize