you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You need Xanax blowdarts
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
