did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
