Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
