I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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