I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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