im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
