omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
