: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
