Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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