its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
