thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
