Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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