Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
