It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize