i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
