u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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