This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
