It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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