Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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