watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
