I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
