I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
