It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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