This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
