How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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