Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
