So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
