dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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