He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize