Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize