When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
