It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
