it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize