so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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