She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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