I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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