I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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