So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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