this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
