Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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