dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
