i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Let's get the cat blown out
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
