The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
