your room smells of hookers.
And success
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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