dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
