yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
