then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
