I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
