now i know why i became what i already was.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
