Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
